its funny how much memories can hurt you. they were once the best memories of your life, and now it hurts to think of them. you wonder how and why things suddenly changed. when the last thing you ever thought could happen becomes a reality. you'd give anything to go back in time to prevent it from happening. out of sight, out of mind? i wish i could put that concept to use in my life, too bad that isn't working out so well right now.
i wish i knew if i'm just stuck on the idea of you, the memory of you, what you meant to me, or the combination of any of those. i'm sick of being confused but i'm also sick of thinking about you. i pushed you to the back of my mind, i thought i was okay, until i forced memories upon me.
do you know how much you meant to me? how much you mean to me? just to be talking again, that'd make my life easier somehow. i wonder if you even know i still exist. if the thought or idea of me ever crosses your mind?
you've impacted my life in such a great way it's kind of sad, for me. the things that i do everyday the things i see everyday the things other people do or say, somehow can lead back to you. i miss the laughs, the smiles, the conversations, the hugs, the late nights, holding hands, everything.
moving on is so much harder than i thought it'd be. i thought i could keep you in the back of my mind, i've proven myself wrong. i want to tell you so many things, but i dont know if that would benefit either of us in any way. i wish the promises had been kept, or at least tried to have been kept. i want to know that they were more than just words. to know if they had any meaning behind them.
you have your own life, i think you've moved on. of course you've moved on. it kills me to know that if i had a choice, i'd pick you over everyone else. your flaws were perfect in my eyes, i didnt care what anyone else said. you were the one for me. i was beyond lucky to have you. i took advantage of that in so many ways.
if you could see how much i need you, would you notice how much you might want to need me too?
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